Craigslist rant and rave posting school: Lesson 1

Lesson 1: Introduction to posting a compelling argument


There is no better proof that George Bush's No Child Left Behind Act, was a complete and utter failure than a quick perusal of the craigslist.org "Rant and Raves" section. This is the meeting ground for the functionally illiterate to create musings that are mostly non-sense.

Take for example, the man, angry because he's home on a Saturday night:
"I sit here and wonder why I am single ..I go out and socialize quite a bit !..I also have a job that I travel the city too !..(I am any where form the north end of town to the south end ) east end of town to the foothills also D.T.C.area .. Thats where I see really good looking women ( Snobs, Bithces )and probably married ..But I cant wait to get home in the evening and jack off because most women in America just plain suck !...They are either fat and ugly or are so into themselves they want to serial date and have the poor guy pay for everything ...( Sorry we go out you pay your share till we are a couple)...I like women that are self supportive and have a life of their own but willing to share their time ( God I am so independant, I hate the type of women that are clingy right away )maybe I should try and bring up a few women from Mexico !....A woman that knows how to take care of her man ....Not a raging BIATCH"

Hmmm....Compelling argument from this craigslister. Although, I think the argument can be poked through with just a little thought. First of all, this was posted on a Saturday night. Can we agree that if someone socializes "quite a bit!" they would not be at home writing pathetic craigslist musings?
My other favorite is the complete lack of spell-check. Yes, I admit, sometimes I don't completely proof-read my postings either, but if I get a little red underline beneath a word, I at least make sure that the word was spelled correctly. Sadly, in this day in age it's too much to ask an "indepenadant" man to do the same. I mean, hell, if you're going to insult women in general, make sure you don't call them bithces. WTF is a bithc anyhow?
And speaking of idiocy, it was bad enough trying to get through the mediocre spelling, but obviously this gentleman has never had to pull together a written argument. He is looking for that independent woman, who is not clingy, and can pay her way through any date. Ok, that is cool. So tell me why, in the next sentence he is looking for a woman from Mexico that can take care of all his needs? I don't think most Mexican women are raised to carry the flag of feminism strongly. I could be wrong, but all the Mexican women I know stay at home watching telenovelas on a Friday night while their men are dancing at El Vaquero.

Not thinking about finance

Today has been yet another rough day in markets. And I really don't think the worst is over. So what do you do? Pull out your money out of your FDIC-insured bank account? Buy gold bullion? Start depositing your paychecks under your mattress?
No no and no....it doesn't matter what any of us do...we're all so screwed. If the government can't cover your $20,000 bank account balance, we have more torubles that the great depression. So instead...i'm going to think of something else.


Television shows that are old enough to drink:
21 Jump Street
ALF
A Different World
Married with Children
My Two Dads
Unsolved Mysteries
and the current favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

There is nothing wrong with America, that can't be forgotten about with some good TV.

Place your bets

What did the Dow Jones Industrial Average Close at on 12/31/1999? Ok everyone, place your bets. Today was a depressing day for many people in the finance world. And whether you are loving it or hating it, consider this. Those, even in the finance industry, that are most affected are living on the edge. There are plenty of finance professionals that weren't making six-figure salaries in 2005. They were loyal to their companies, and their companies are going afloat.

It is unbelievably sad how bad this decade has been. Since my graduation in 2002, I've determined that I would have been in the same position whether I worked hard to pay down debts, own a modest home, and continue my education, as I would have taken a lousy teaching job in Japan and seeing the world. I took the former route, but times like these make me wish I would have taken the latter.

Me and DH are looking to refi, and even with good credit, even with no credit card debt, refinancing is very difficult. Our house minimally appreciated, and the fact that we need a 90% LTV loan is not helping at all. So what do you do? I guess we won't refi. Even with the ARM adjustments, we can still afford our payments, thankfully.

So what are your guesses for 12/31/1999? The answer is the Dow closed at 11,497.12. So based off of today, in a little over eight years, we are now at 10,917.51. In eight years, not only have we not moved forward, but we've proceeded to move backward.

Have you had enough? I know I have

John McCain keeps calling me...

But first a video




...yes, John McCain keeps calling me, and Barack Obama's friends keep knocking on my door. I am one of the "kingpin" unaffiliated voters in the state of Colorado. Most states in the mountain region are vehemently Republican. Most states in the Pacific region are notoriously Democratic, but Colorado has a more unusual claim to fame. There are more unaffiliated voters in Colorado, than affiliated with any other party. I am one of them. And in the City an County of Denver, I probably stick out a little more than I should.

You see, Denver itself is very liberal. Much like Boulder. In fact, you don't even need a city limits sign to know whether or not you are in and out of Denver, all you really need to do is count the McCain or Obama signs.

But I digress, being in the city limits, Republicans are finding every independent voter they can. But strangely, they don't come door to door in my neighborhood. I just get a message from one of John's friends every so often. The Democrats are also trying to motivate their bases. In fact, I notice the creative pattern they walk up my block. I have separated the four unaffiliated voters on my street, based upon the creative walking pattern.

I'm not sure if this is a sign of things to come, or just because I am in Denver, but I've been seeing three Obama visitors for every one McCain. It could be a sign of things to come...

Craigslist: a good place for shock value

Ok, warning, DO NOT open any of these links at work, or if you find the human form offensive (Particluarly the VERY hairy human form)

So I love craigslist, as you well know by now. And if you hear me in the other room shouting "Eww!!" "Eek" or "Nasty", you know there is only one section I'm reading: The M4M. If there were ever proof that men and women are ultimately looking for something different in life, I think just reading the M4M versus the W4W section is the ultimate proof. Most of the women are looking for a long-term relationship, where as most of the men, well, let me give you some headline examples:
Hot cock now! - 26 -
Daddy Bear up and Horny! - 44 -

And let me tell you, you don't click on anything with a picture, unless you are truly ready for anything. Even something as simple, as "Grand Hyatt hotel" can lead to the wormiest, hairiest man on record. I guess I must like being some kind of outside observer of nasty trainwrecks. I have to wonder how many of these ads work. Maybe by the sheer volume of them in Denver, they must work somewhat. Much more than ads like this:

Politically minded college student - 24

Bummer he's gay, he sounds like fun.

Happy Birthday! You're a cheap asshole

For those considering conception this year. May I offer a handful of advice? Whatever you do, do not consider an August or September baby. I won't bore you with all of my familial details, I share birthdays within a week of my dad, mother-in-law, brother-in-law and aunt. Even when I was a kid, I was used to the fact that the "family birthday party" would actually be for my aunt. And of course, you don't miss what you never have, but I think we may have sunk to a new low.

My father's birthday was this weekend (four days past mine). I offered to take him and my step-mom out. My brother and his girlfriend wanted to come too, and my brother offered to split the costs, which I thought was nice of him. Especially given the fact that he probably makes twice as much as I do. Anyhow, we pick out probably one of the best Italian restaurants in Colorado, and meet up. Something else you should know, my step-mom is stupid rich, and stupid republican. So unfortunately, I got to sit next to her and hear every stupid argument given from Fox News since the last week of the republican convention. Thanks to a tip from Akubi, I pointed out to my step-mom that the republicans couldn't even pick the right picture for the backdrop of their own keynote speech. (Walter Reed Middle School vs. Walter Reed AMC) And of course, as if she had been watching Fox News preparing for a rebuttal, she cooly states that, "Of course they would never want to put an image representing the fiasco that was Walter Reed AMC, of course they meant the middle school." I also told her, that McCain's voice sounds about as presidential as a TV Episcopalian minister (Why do they always sound like Kermit the Frog?) but she didn't think that was funny, and asked when was the last time I went to church....

Well anyhow, we continue to dine, and talk about politics. I had the Ravioli d'Agosta, We all ordered a tiramisu and a chocolate cake for dessert. Very good stuff, then the check comes. As agreed, my brother and I split it, and we get our credit card receipts back. Mind you I always tip at least 15%. My step-mom looks over to see what I'm going to tip and tells me I have to tip at least 20%, because all waiters think that women are cheap. First of all, I'm not really the kind to care what people think about me (for tipping or otherwise). Second of all, in all the times my dad and step-mom took me out, I never looked over to ensure they were tipping at least 20%. Silly me, I thought that was gaudy. So I leave my tip, (for those interested, more than 15, less than 20). She was so embarrassed, but too bad. Then of course we have one last conversation. The dreaded pro-life conversation. She says, (to know whether or not abortion good or bad) all you need to do is ask yourself this, "Would I have wanted my mother to abort me, and I say no." After three hours of idiocy, I was starting to wish I was dead, so I couldn't really answer with the affirmative reply she was hoping for.

Reno 911!

I do plenty to make my husband mad: ogle escorts online, read their scary bad reviews, become smitten with his cute friends, and stay up all night writing political commentary. As bad as some of those things are, there is one thing that makes my husband really mad. That is, watching hours upon hours of television. Not just the quantity of television, but the quality of television.

Last month I started a new job which include a handsome salary increase. I figured I would reward myself with a DVR. I reasoned, I would be more productive, being able to cruise through commercials, watching the best shows with my limited time. If I decide I want to watch one of my husband's more hated shows (ie To Catch a Predator, or I Love Money) I could record them, and watch them while my husband is at work.

But there is one recorded show that I choose all over the rest. That is Reno 911! Luckily season 4 is on WGN evenings, and I find three new episodes regularly saved on my DVR. It is so sophomoric, but I love it. If you have no time to watch the actual episodes, I highly recommend Reno 911! The Movie. It has all the best parts, Terry the gay criminal. A guy from just outside Denver (Fort Collins) who amasses a cocaine empire in Miami (which failed in Fort Collins because they're more into Marijuana.)


So I will spend my Saturday watching lots of Reno 911! And the other items saved into DVR:
The Simpsons
Sex and the City
King of the Hill
Family Guy
InfoMania
Kitchen Nightmares
Brooke Knows Best
Project Runway
Roseanne
Mexico One Plate at a Time
I Love Money
Cops

Happy viewing!

McCain's speech (in case you missed it)

Here are the highlights:
Highlights of mc cain speech

- POW intro, followed by ten minutes of boring church revival cheers and chants
- George Bush is awesome
- Times are tough…no plan yet…wait for it…
- But first, I love Sarah Palin, she accomplished stuff. She’s so awesome, she will change things. Change how? Oh yeah, let me think…
- Oh yeah, senior moment, lol…times are tough. But I’m a maverick. You remember that word? It means I am a badass.
- I fought union bosses and bad men.
- Let me tell you about some retards. Retards can vote, I’m tapping into the retard vote. (Isn’t that what this convention is for?)
- Let’s talk about the war and how Republicans can fight.
- A bunch of democrats and republicans fucked up…but that’s obama’s fault. We’re going to change that (somehow)
- I want to be like Lincoln, (somehow)
- Non-enthusiastic remark about Latinos. Oh oops, you guys are all KKK members? I forgot, you are republicans after all.
- We’re going to keep jobs from going overseas via trickle down economics…that worked last time, right?
- We need smarter Americans…if you’re unemployed, again, you’re on your own
- You could try going to community college. We could help you out a little.
- Charter schools are awesome. Public schools teach evolution, they are icky. They have unions in them.
- Let’s drill some more shit. We’ll have oil in 15 years.
- Don’t worry, I’ll talk about some alternative energy. But that’s just as despicable to me as alternative lifestyles.
- Al-quaeda, blah blah blah, Iran, blah blah blah, Russia, blah blah blah. Weren’t we looking for Bin Laden at some point? Fuck it, we’re just going to go to war with Russia and Iran.
- The world is dangerous. Don’t worry your pretty little head, I’ll take care of it, just give me your teenagers. Mmm.. fresh blood.
- Another POW reference
- USA USA USA
- Did I tell you I was a POW. POW, Vietnam, POW, Vietnam. Did I tell you I was a POW. Stand up, dammit. Let me tell you about another 15 minutes about me being a POW. Is this relevant to the campaign, or is this just alzheimers?
- My country saved me, and now I make over $5 million a year. Woo hoo, I’m upper middle class.
- I’m going to pick a fight in the street after this.


We’re going to go to Warshington. Warshington won’t know what’s coming.

Gosh for once in my life, I’m ready for bed at 9 pm.

True Casey

Caption: You too can be like Casey Serin. All it takes is a few financial mis-steps and "massive focused action"

Ok, I'm a dork. I didn't come home straight from work and turn on the TV today. No....I turned on "true casey."

Who the hell is casey? The scrawny-foreign-living with his parents is usually not my type. But I'm unusually attracted to the trainwreck that is truecasey.com. For those of you that don't know. Casey Serin is also known as the "Poster Boy of the subprime mortgage crisis." He once took out mortgages for seven homes nearly simultaneously. He has since lost these homes to foreclosure. His idea was to (I suppose) to flip these homes for a profit. However, he bought these homes at the crest of the mortgage bubble, and was unable to find a willing buyer.

I actually came across him initially through my business, though he does not know it. You see, while he was making headlines as the "Poster boy" or even the "World's most hated blogger." I was working as a lowly Credit Risk Analyst for a company focused on saving Wall Street Investors from as much of the subprime crisis as possible. As an analyst, your job details highly rely on research. I saw his story in the Economist, and thought he would be very interesting to research. As a result of my research, I found that our investors had exposure on four of his loans. The loans were all originated as "Owner Occupant" loans. Which is obivously a lie. But anyhow, even after I discovered the exposure, I was still fascinated by the story.

So it's been over a year since he lost his last property to foreclosure. What is he doing? He is living with his parents, and blogging for a living. Or maybe not for any actual income, but just for something to do. He has a "TV show" where you can watch him work. For the life of me, I do not see the appeal. I wouldn't even want to watch me work, and I deal with billions of dollars a day. But I do have to say, the most interesting part of the experience are the "haters". The haters discuss Casey's mis-steps. Some of the haters comments come out of love and affection for Casey. Other comments are meant to be funny. Some are just downright cruel.

I can only hope that Casey learns from this experience, and capitalizes on the number of experts he now has at his finger tips. Judging from my year of silently observing Casey however, I'm not sure. I guess I can't TOTALLY blame him. He probably has a lot of input, maybe too much. And even for the best, it can be hard to filter out the bad input from the good.

Still, it would probably boost his credibility exponentially if he were to spell things correctly, and not make such a big deal about getting up at 5 am.

*He* is my friend

I just got off my space and looky who found me online? That's right, famous Nathan. Awww...how cute. I got a little email from him, and I checked out his my space page. OMG...he looks just like Dane Cook. What's not to love about the boy? Of course, he is now my myspace "friend". Surrender, it is just a matter of time before you are mine muahahaha...lol.

Anyhow, he lives out in the sticks, so I'm a little bummed he couldn't stop by and hang out tonight. I'm sure he'll return to my dreams again.

Nate returns...

...Nate returns in my dreams. He's told me that he's gotten sick of country/mountain girls, how they are all too burly and how he's looking for a smart, sophisticated woman.
I have no idea what happened to my husband in my dreams...but I suddenly find myself available. Oh he is the flirtiest, with the cutest hazel eyes. He has the best smile, and yes, a big schnoz...but in a manly way (you know what they say about men with big noses, right).
I think I need a little excitement in my life. The highlight of my evening tonight is a focus group on salsa. No Joke.

Buying escorts, lesson deux

So I've been bored and researching more of this. You know, buying escorts is not as easy as going to the store and buying a bag of chips. This is the impression I get from my perusal of craigslist and theotherboard.
Rules for buying an escort
1. Do not block (*67) your phone. This pisses off the prostitutes. Every ad I see tells you to do the opposite and unblock (*82) your phone.
2. Get "approved". There appears to be an elaborate process before being able to see an escort. Maybe it's to determine you aren't a cop, or murderer, or what ever other riff-raff one attracts when going into this profession. So what involves getting approved? They want to know what other ladies you've seen. They want names and numbers so they can check you out. They want to know where you work. I'm still trying to figure out what they do for a first timer.
3. Follow the rule. What is the rule? Remember, you are paying for the escort's time, and any other activity that may occur between two consenting adults is just a mere coincidence. If you call asking for a blowjob, they'll hang up. Now, granted, I probably wouldn't pay for anyone's time. (I'm usually finding a way to get out of spending time with people). But I found the whole thing completely fascinating, and had to share with you all out there.

Buying escorts for dummies

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The one thing my husband and I would agree on...

Little more than three years ago, we were married in New Orleans. The first six months, it felt like we weren't married, I guess because technically we weren't.

You see, we had no marriage license, try to change your name, cash checks, or even buy a house in your new name, and you'll quickly understand the difficulty. But for us, this was a small inconvenience compared to the over 1,000 that lost their lives in the hurricane. We didn't lose our belongings, we didn't need medical attention, we were fine. We had jobs to go back to, we got our wedding photos, and life, although a little dramatic, went on.

Obviously, the events of hurricane Katrina were exacerbated by the lack of response in New Orleans. Which brings me to the one thing my husband and I would agree upon:
"George Bush does not care about black people."

Sure he's canceling his appearance at the RNC, now. Where was he three years ago? He finally decided to cancel his vacation short after people were dying at the Superdome. It's very generous, the leader of the free world even gets a vacation, in my opinion. That was days after the hurricane. For days when people were waiting for food, water, medical attention. He was out in Texas hunting, golfing, or doing God only knows what silver spoon Texans do.

So after the fiasco, the republicans certainly do not want to appear to be the party that cares only for the rich, the white, or the WASP-y. With the prospects of Hurricane Gustav being a category 4 and making landfall on Labor day, all eyes will be on the reactions of those same republicans. My bet is, they will find a way to spin this convention, to show that republicans are all-loving, all-caring. They will most likely put in a phone bank, to accept donations for the Red Cross. They will have live satellite feed to Louisiana, to show the outpouring of support. You better believe they will be helping a whole lot of black people.

Which, I don't want to undermine the effort. I appreciate everyone chipping in for those in need. These people will need all of our support. Whether we are black or white or hispanic or asian. We are all Americans, and even though maybe we've been lucky to be blessed with so much, we can empathize with those that have lost everything. I just want to make sure the motive of the effort is also sound. I'm afraid of the republican party using this tragedy to further move along a more destructive agenda. Keeping people in poverty, by keeping higher education unaccessible and unaffordable. Not tapping into the current energy of our youth that is so smart, and creating a way to ease dependence on foreign oil. Global warming is causing more severe hurricanes to occur, do I really want to support a party that wants to solve our current energy crisis with more drilling, and more oil? No, of course not. I'd much rather see the "haves" of the republican party, actually give something bigger of themselves. To see them downsize to a reasonable house (not "homes" where they forget about how many they actually have, homes that are heated/cooled with carbon emitting technologies). How about personally investing in alternative energy sources? How about next time a tragedy strikes, tapping into the citizens of this country for more than just money. Am I the only one that finds it sick that after 9/11, the only thing our government asked us to do is shop?

So my prayers go out to all those who may lose what little they have been able to reclaim in the past three years. I hope that you are kept safe, and that you have a home to return to.

Oh Nate you are the cutest

So Thursday, I was exhausted, I had worked a long hard shift and just wanted to come home, maybe get some food with my husband and watch a little TV.

Of course it's nights like these, that he has a friend over that he's spent all day with. But this time it was a pleasant surprise. I walked in, and this tall and toned drink of water was sitting on my piano bench, happy to see me.

"Hello, I am Nate", yes, yes you are, I thought to myself. He was dressed up utterly boyish. He was maybe 25-28 with hazel eyes and cute curly hair, hidden by a baseball cap.

Well relaxing evening is out, but maybe this could be good too. He has a great sense of humor. He was that perfect mix of dorky, yet, normal and friendly. We all went out to dinner, and got drinks....as we all started getting a little more inebriated by the margaritas, Nate and I started getting a little more flirty. Of course, I think subconsciously, my husband caught on, and started upping the PDA and lovingness that I usually don't get when we go out.

After our night on the town, my husband asked me what I thought of Nate. I couldn't help myself, and told him "Nate? He's CUTE". To which my husband reminded me that Nate is going bald underneath that cap of his. Maybe he is, still, that baldness is forgivable for those sweet big eyes. I found on my husband's camera a photo Nate took of himself. mmm..mamma. Thank you for the memories.

Oh Nate, in another life, I would have let you have me right away....you are too cute. I only hope you'll be in town again soon, and maybe we can have a flirty night out. Until then, I can always have you in my dreams.

Why My Husband Would be Mad

First things first, I love my husband, and would never want to hurt him. Hence that is why I go by the "Nom de Plume" of Carissa Marquez. If you figure out who I really am, more power to you. But why would you even care?

I would never what him or my family to know all these feelings I have. He knows about SOME of my feelings, but much like how most men won't tell their wives how they "really look in that dress" there are somethings I can't really tell either. However, I feel the need to express myself creatively through writing. I guess I feel a little safe having this false identity behind me. A little cowardly, maybe, but I'm really only doing so to protect the innocent.

So why would my husband be mad? That we will have to see. You'll find out that I have many little lusts and crushes. Some of them are very close to home, and maybe if he knew I had these little crushes, some of his friends would not be invited over anymore. I'll never act on them, but a girl can always fantasize.