Happy Birthday! You're a cheap asshole

For those considering conception this year. May I offer a handful of advice? Whatever you do, do not consider an August or September baby. I won't bore you with all of my familial details, I share birthdays within a week of my dad, mother-in-law, brother-in-law and aunt. Even when I was a kid, I was used to the fact that the "family birthday party" would actually be for my aunt. And of course, you don't miss what you never have, but I think we may have sunk to a new low.

My father's birthday was this weekend (four days past mine). I offered to take him and my step-mom out. My brother and his girlfriend wanted to come too, and my brother offered to split the costs, which I thought was nice of him. Especially given the fact that he probably makes twice as much as I do. Anyhow, we pick out probably one of the best Italian restaurants in Colorado, and meet up. Something else you should know, my step-mom is stupid rich, and stupid republican. So unfortunately, I got to sit next to her and hear every stupid argument given from Fox News since the last week of the republican convention. Thanks to a tip from Akubi, I pointed out to my step-mom that the republicans couldn't even pick the right picture for the backdrop of their own keynote speech. (Walter Reed Middle School vs. Walter Reed AMC) And of course, as if she had been watching Fox News preparing for a rebuttal, she cooly states that, "Of course they would never want to put an image representing the fiasco that was Walter Reed AMC, of course they meant the middle school." I also told her, that McCain's voice sounds about as presidential as a TV Episcopalian minister (Why do they always sound like Kermit the Frog?) but she didn't think that was funny, and asked when was the last time I went to church....

Well anyhow, we continue to dine, and talk about politics. I had the Ravioli d'Agosta, We all ordered a tiramisu and a chocolate cake for dessert. Very good stuff, then the check comes. As agreed, my brother and I split it, and we get our credit card receipts back. Mind you I always tip at least 15%. My step-mom looks over to see what I'm going to tip and tells me I have to tip at least 20%, because all waiters think that women are cheap. First of all, I'm not really the kind to care what people think about me (for tipping or otherwise). Second of all, in all the times my dad and step-mom took me out, I never looked over to ensure they were tipping at least 20%. Silly me, I thought that was gaudy. So I leave my tip, (for those interested, more than 15, less than 20). She was so embarrassed, but too bad. Then of course we have one last conversation. The dreaded pro-life conversation. She says, (to know whether or not abortion good or bad) all you need to do is ask yourself this, "Would I have wanted my mother to abort me, and I say no." After three hours of idiocy, I was starting to wish I was dead, so I couldn't really answer with the affirmative reply she was hoping for.